I trust HIM, I really do...

Ok, so I haven't blogged in a really long time. It's not necessarily a bad thing; we had a very fun-filled summer what with Ryan & Michelle in town from England and our trip to Newport Beach, CA. Speaking of which, I should blog about our beach trip; we have a lot of good pictures (maybe next time)! But, what brings me to blog today is an aching heart. In fact, it's difficult to hold back the tears as I'm typing, but here it goes.

Javier and I have been trying to have another baby since May of 2008 with no luck. I'd say it's frustrating, but that would be an understatement. It's down right aggravating and disappointing. My heart aches on a monthly basis, not to mention the waiting and anticipation of the 2-3 weeks prior to my AF in hopes of "maybe this will be the month that we can celebrate!". And when my AF does creep up on me, I usually say to myself, "I can't do this anymore...I'm sick of this". But, a week or two later, my desire for another child outweighs my frustrations.

There has been 1 positive realization to come out of all of this frustration and that is this: I was so incredibly blessed to get pregnant with my first 3 by just thinking about it. All of them were planned and I got them when I wanted them. Spoiled, I know. But that is what I am used to, so this 16 + month period of being in limbo has me all coiled inside. Maybe that's the problem? I am being impatient, I guess, but I feel that it should have happened by now.

During all of this time, I have noticed some differences with my body compared to before I became pregnant with my other children. I have a friend who has been diagnosed with PCOS or Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome. A couple of nights ago we were talking and I was telling her about some of my frustrations (which were heightened this month due to me seeing my OBGYN to explore possible fertility solutions). Throughout our discussion it seemed that the somewhat recent differences in my body resemble those of her symptoms associated with PCOS. Earlier this year I was concerned about having PCOS myself, but I brushed it aside thinking I was making something out of nothing. Why on earth would I do that? I mean, I have a lot of pain 2-3 weeks out of every month...why would I ignore pain? I'll tell you why; I have been so focused on getting pregnant, that is all I cared about. I admit, it's pretty stupid to ignore signs from my body that something may by wrong.

Yesterday I looked up the symptoms of PCOS and I do have about 60-70% of the symptoms associated with that condition. I really hope I don't have it; heart attacks, heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol are all the risks of having PCOS. What a bummer for those who have been diagnosed with this condition, of which there is no cure (from what I have read).

My best friend has recently been battling the horrible possibility of MS. She has had a lot of tests done and was told by her neurologist that she has a 95% likelihood of having MS. She too ignored her symptoms; she has felt something "off" with her body for 4 years! The good thing is that we both eventually told ourselves "enough is enough, we need to find out what is going on".

As I was reading her blog today about listening to our bodies, I couldn't help but agree with her point wholeheartedly. Women ARE intuitive. That's what makes us good moms...it's what makes us women. I have a cousin who put her young child down to take a nap in a closet at our grandmother's house. She just had this itching feeling that she needed to check on her young daughter and when she did, she caught the little girl playing with a dress covered in a dry-cleaning bag. I believe she actually had this bag in her face or close to it. Nothing bad happened and my cousin removed all the clothing from within the child's reach and continued to allow the little girl to nap. The possibility of what might have happened had my cousin not listened to her intuition is frightening. WE NEED TO LISTEN TO OUR BODIES...they do tell us if something is wrong or just 'not right'.

Perhaps, there is something just 'not right' with my body which is preventing me from getting pregnant. If that is the case, I know that God put doctors on earth to help us and maybe there are options for us to conceive. Perhaps I am completely healthy and it's just not in Heavenly Father's plan for me to have a 4th baby yet or ever. To which I ask Him "why do you hate me so much that you won't let me have another baby?". Upon telling my husband I felt this way occasionally, he replied "you need to hear the story in the Book of Jobe". So, he told me the story. It made me cry, it moved me. Javier thinks that my question to Him was about losing faith in Heavenly Father, but I corrected him, "even Jobe complained and that's what I am doing, complaining". It is difficult sometimes to accept the things in life of which I have no control over. My heart wants what it wants and who am I to ignore that? But, I have never, nor will I ever, lose faith in Jesus or Heavenly Father...it's not who I am. Even before I became LDS, I had a lot of faith in God. And now being a member of The Church, I have even more faith than before!

I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us all. That actually makes me thrilled because I don't think we could handle that kind of responsibility on our own. If He doesn't want us to have another child, I trust it's because it's for the best. That doesn't mean that I will stop trying anytime in the next 5 years or so (I am not above fertility treatments), but at least I do have faith. I also believe that He is always trying to teach us lessons and things about life and thereafter. I can actually take a lesson out of all of this heartache I have experienced, not just with the inability to conceive a 4th baby thus far, but with getting shot in the head and losing my mother at such a young age.

I think for many of us earthlings it is so easy to think about what we don't have rather than be grateful for what we do have. So here is the lesson that I have loved to learn: to cherish the blessings that Heavenly Father has given us...which are PLENTIFUL! My life with my husband and 3 children is fruitful, loving, happy and overall IMMENSELY BLESSED! To which I say to God THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH! And I know He doesn't hate me at all. He LOVES me and all of us :)

A Swim in a Waterpark, well...sorta

A few weekends ago, our friends John and Kelly invited us to go swimming at The Pointe Tapatio Resort where they were staying.

Bird's eye view of: The Pointe at Tapatio

The place has like 5 pools, one of which is referred to as The Falls. Just to walk into The Falls they ask you for your name and room number, plus you have to wear a wristband.

The pool was nice, I must say. Abundant with, you guessed it, waterfalls...as well as a water volleyball area and a separate beach-like entrance on one side (which provides a shallow area), making it more enjoyable with small children. However, the most impressive and popular thing about this pool is the fabulous waterslide!

Waterslides

They also have a lazy river, which was a little too boring for my broad, but I still think it's worth mentioning! Lazy River
After zipping down the totally enclosed waterslide, it dumps you into a small, moderately deep wading pool that is for the exiters of the waterslide only ( just like all the waterparks have). Both Christopher and Marley went down twice and Javier went once. I totally got gypped on the waterslide, but that's okay because I got to swim and have fun with Jaxon!

Anyways, Jaxon and I waited in the nearby pool which had a perfect view of the waterslide exit. Javier had to be "ball-ready" (hands-free) to help Marley/Christopher get out of the wading pool safely, so neither of us got a picture of our kids coming out of the slide...bummer! So, you all will have to settle for pictures of them after we were done swimming:

Christopher: happy to be swimming!

Christopher & Marley: not too thrilled to leave, but happy nonetheless.

Jaxon: fish outta water!

Thank you, Kelly & John!!!

Swimming season is here and Jaxon is prepared

This little cutie patootie absolutely refused to wear floaties last year.

Now, I can't keep them off of him...he even fell asleep on the couch with them still attached! Jaxon just tickles me pink with his antics.

Dude, you have to try this...

If you love banana nut bread, then you will love this cereal.
Seriously dudes, it's good :)

Marley is growing up...

and faster than her parents prefer.

Can you believe it's already been 5 years since our little Marley blessed us with her presence?!

Our home would be a little more dull and quiet without our darling princess.

Javier and I have a saying around here, "when Marley is away from our family, she is the missing spice". You know when you are cooking and the dish is missing a certain spice and once you figure out what that spice is, it completes the dish? That's what Marely is to our family, we are incomplete without her and when she's around everthing feels right.

Marley has a shining personality and being the center of attention is just what she loves! We always say that she will follow her Tata's steps into the spotlight and if/when she becomes famous, we won't be surprised! She gets along with EVERYONE she comes into contact with and is unforgettable to her teachers. Her teachers even go as far to say that she could be a Teacher's Assistant due to how much she helps and reasons with the other students! They have even recruited her to help with potty training on some of the stubborn students!

Marley is a great conversationalist and we find ourselves laughing hysterically during many of our conversations with her. She is a girly-girl to the max, what with her clothing, shoe, makeup and hair obsessions, which is perfect for me since I love all those things too!

Marley is fast to forgive and has a sweet soul that warms your heart. You can always find her wearing a smile, in fact...she started smiling at 2 weeks and she hasn't stopped since!

Our Father in Heaven blessed us tremenously with our beautiful daughter Marley Juliette!

Happy 5th Birthday, Marley Mae!

Our Roadtrip to Pinetop, Snowflake & Payson

Javier had to work March 5th & 6th in Snowflake, so all 5 of us went up to stay in Pinetop (it's only 40 minutes away) for 3 nights. We also stayed in Payson on the 4th night to make the drive home on Sunday less straining on everyone, but this post is not about Payson...it's about Snowflake!

We had a fabulous time in all 3 cities, Pinetop and Snowflake were absolutely freezing with temps in the 40's and icey wind gusts making it feel at least 10 degrees colder. It rained early Friday morning in Pinetop and Sunrise Ski resort reported 1 foot of snow from that little storm! Even though these temps are pretty cold, we really welcomed them since temps in Phoenix had reached record highs (90 degrees in March is too much!).

Here's a hint about what we saw in Snowflake:

and...

That's right, it's the Snowflake Temple. Friday morning I dropped off and picked up Javier from his meeting in Snowflake. While we were there, we drove to the Snowflake Temple and the local Stake building. The Snowflake temple is gorgeous, it sits upon the tallest hill in the city and you can see it from anywhere in Snowflake. We couldn't go inside-even the visitors center was closed. I'm not really sure why it was closed on Friday, but if I had to guess I would say it was due to the temperature and the wind blowing so incredibly hard that the wrought iron gate surrounding the temple was shaking vigorously and you could hear the loud clanking from inside our van.

Anyway, I took a few pictures of this awesome building...Front View of the Temple

This is etched above the enterence.

Side view

Gorgeous Golden Statue

They have a new community of houses surrounding the Temple and some of those houses are gigantic and right next to the Temple, like this house down the hill. What you see to the left of the temple is all 1 house! What a great neighborhood!

Then we drove to the biggest Ward/Stake building we have ever seen! This building sits right on the main highway which runs through the city...check out it's hugeness:

Sorry about the glare, but isn't this building huge?! It appears to be 2 stories!

I love the country feeling it sends out!

These amazing statues are situated on the front-right side of the Stake building and they represent the LDS settlers who first arrived in Snowflake (and surrounding areas)...Brother Flake and Elder Snow.

I snapped a photo of the plaque in front of these statues that explains the history of how Snowflake was founded and by whom. Perhaps you can zoom in to read it, I found it pretty interesting...

We had a grand time on our trip and we feel so happy that we could experience our first viewing of the Snowflake Temple together as a family. Our kids thought the buildings and hills were awesome, but it will take a little more time for them to fully understand how magnificent the Temples really are. We feel so blessed that they will have these memories to tap into when they do come to realize what it all means.

What a Happy Weekend!

What did you do?

No pictures, but

I still wanted to toot my own horn: I've lost 15 lbs. in the last 4-5 weeks! Yay me!

So far, all I've done is eat less at night. Overeating during the day was never my issue because I'm too busy during the daylight hours to eat. It's when the kids are in bed and I'm watching TV that I want to snack it up. So, I usually don't eat after dinner or if I do need something to snack on I pick fruit or veggies. I still have quite a ways to go, but I am very pleased thus far with my progress. Now, I just need to incorporate exercise into my agenda and I'll be fit in no time!

What a fantastic start to 2009!

TOOT! TOOT!

P.S. The Armenta broad welcomed a new member today: Joseph. He is a premie since he came 1 month early, but baby and mom are fabulous! I still haven't seen him, but stay tuned for more info & pictures.